Monday, September 12, 2011

Another catching up to do

What can I say? It's been another long stretch without writing. The last little bit (I'm being lazy and don't want to take the time to look and see when I last posted on here...) I've done some thinking and realizing: we cannot make it alone in this world. We can't. It's impossible. Every person needs somebody (or even somebodies) to rely on when they can't do it themselves anymore.

My dad is dying. The doctors don't think the hormone therapy is working based on his PSA tests. I asked him about a support system, if he had anyone to talk to. He told me he didn't want to; he's not a talker. I know what he means. When everything hit the fan five years ago I didn't want to talk to anyone either. I drowned my sorrow in alcohol and crossword puzzles so I could forget for just a little while that my entire world was crashing at my feet; that everything I had lived for was a lie; that I had no idea who I was; that I was scared as hell; that I was spiraling deeper into depression. At that time I thought I had no one. I thought I was alone and there was no one who could even understand anything at all.

I was wrong. There were so many people there for me waiting to understand, waiting to help, waiting to grab my hand and pull me back up. People who loved me. People who didn't need to know the details, they just needed me to know they were there for me. People who smiled and listened to my angry speeches. People I now look at and wonder if they know they saved my life. People who love me unconditionally, who taught me to love unconditionally.

So, to my life-savers, you may not know who you are, but I am forever grateful and in awe of who you are and what you have done for me. Thank you.

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