Friday, December 10, 2010

Gift-curse

Sometimes when I look at someone I feel what they're feeling. I can't explain how it happens, or why. All I know is that it happens when I look into their eyes - and it isn't every time, but usually it happens. I often avoid eye contact for this reason, for strictly selfish reasons: I have my own emotions, issues, problems, concerns I'm trying to deal with... Feeling another's hurt, pain, joy, sadness is overwhelming. It pierces me and all i want to do is fix it, to talk about it, to let him or her know that life is overwhelming, but it gets easier. I often let it go and am bothered by it later, feeling I've lost the opportunity to help another in need; that I've failed as a human. It is my gift-curse.

Sometimes when I look at someone I see his or her true motivation; I can see into the very being and know who they are as a person. It happens when I look into their eyes; I can see the depths and despairs of their humanity. It makes me uncomfortable; I know their intent. It is my gift-curse.

But then I'll meet someone I can't see into and everything is thrown to the wind. I've come to rely on my gift-curse; it's come to serve as my compass for people I surround myself with. But that elusive person I can't read, that person remains a mystery. They introduce a veil to me recognizing my gift-curse. They play my game and I play theirs. There are certain things worth putting a veil up for. I understand the need for veils, but I've also decided that veils only restrict relationships.

Being yourself is the single most important thing we can do as humans. There's no need to try and fit in a box; we are unique and singularly human. We all have quirks, histories, needs, baggage, emotions, hurts we're trying to work through; it's what makes us human. If we can't rely on the people in our life to remind us and help us out of our despairs of humanity, then what's the point? Each of us has the ability to remind each other that we are all human; that we all need to feel human. I feel unequivocally human tonight.

1 comment:

  1. I understand how you feel exactly. My ability to empathize and read people is truly a gift-curse. It's also a very powerful weapon, one that has to be used responsibly. What I mean by that is, it can be very easy to manipulate people. Emotions run very deep in you, as do I.

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